Let's call American Express. You lost your card,
and you don't know what the number of it is.
That's a great one.
Do the old lady.
I lost my card.
Your... Your accent went in and out on you sometimes.
I went southern and then...
American Express. I'm Danille, how may I help you?
I certainly need some assistance.
I'm sorry to call you in such a frenzy,
but I'm very shook up. I got my American Express card stolen.
Okay, can I have your last name, please?
Yes.
What's your last name?
Right.
Okay, can you give me your name so I can look up your account?
Yes. Helen.
What's your last name, please?
Easafawn.
What?
Helen Easafawn.
E-A
S-A-fawn.
Jerry's Famous Deli. This is Cindy. May I help you?
Hi. I have no legs. May I speak to the manager?
Now, if I get a bill and it's something, like, for...
But two times in a row I eat the damn roast beef and I'm...
I can't stop going to the bathroom!
Well, I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do for you.
Ma?
And my son thinks I'm crazy.
Ma, who you calling?
It's Jerry's. And don't tell me not to call them.
Jesus Christ, get off the fucking phone!
Don't talk to me that way!
Get off the fucking phone!
What's going on?
Same thing as the last time.
Did she... What'd she call you about?
- The roast beef? - Yes.
All right, she just puked in the kitchen.
That's all right. I suggested that she doesn't eat roast beef
if it doesn't agree with her.
I... I appreciate your suggestions, but I love roast beef.
It's delicious!
Go clean up the mess!
I can't. Get off of me!
You son of a bitch!
George?
Hi, Mr. Simmons.
Ladies.
George Simmons, man! Can I get a picture?
Yeah, yeah. You got it ready? All right, hit me, baby, all right.
Get a little tittie in there. Come on.
How are you? You're really funny.
Thank you. You're funnier.
- Hello. - Hi!
- Gentlemen. Gentlemen. - Hey, what's up?
Hey. How are you?
- Hey, handsome. - Doctor.
How are you, kid?
How are you, baby?
The Lunestas are working, baby.
Those are smooth. No hangover.
Fall asleep, bam. Fucking what was the deal with the Restorils?
Why did you give me those? You trying to fuck with me or something?
George, we got the results back from the follow-up of your blood count
and it's not what we hoped for.
As I mentioned earlier, the CBC was abnormal.
Your white blood cells were four times the size that they should be.
And very low hemoglobin, seven grams per deciliter.
I don't understand what you're saying right now.
Can you speak how people speak?
You have a very serious disease. It's called AML.
It's a form of leukemia and I can't predict how this will play out,
but I feel you have a rough road ahead of you.
That's George Simmons, right here.
George! George! George Simmons!
Hey, man! How, how you doing, man? I'm a big fan of yours.
I'm sorry to say we're past the point where traditional structures
like chemotherapy and radiation would be effective at all.
And I think it's best for us to pursue an experimental course.
Here you go, ma'am. Your tamales.
- Thanks for shopping at Otto's. - Yo, Chuck,
I'm going up at the Comedy & Magic Club doing stand-up.
You should come watch me.
Don't let him suck you in. He's not funny.
Nah, he's right, man. No way, man. That shit was painful.
I mean, it was hard watching you suffer up there.
I had fucking nightmares after that.
That was a long time ago. That was months ago.
I've gotten a lot funnier since then.
Then you bored my wife to sleep.
I couldn't get no pussy that night, man.
Don't blame me for your pussy issues.
- Are they gonna pay you? - Pay me? No!
That's just how it starts. You don't get paid in the beginning.
You gotta, you know, work your way up through the ranks.
My nigger, how the fuck you in show business
when you got no business to show?
I'm supposed to be writing jokes.
I'm supposed to be doing comedy.
I'm not supposed to be making macaroni salad.
I hate it, man. It's depressing. Otto's sucks!
You don't know about no motherfucking hard time, man.
I'm a ex-convict, man. Otto's the only place that would hire me.
You too good for Otto's now?
I'm not too good for it.
I just don't... It's not for me, you know, I'm sorry.
See that bridge? 1,200 bucks.
Okay.
On the house, man! Otto, man! Otto's my lotto.
Come on, man, look. I can't work here anymore, all right?
What, you gonna be on TV or some shit like that?
I am gonna be on TV. The chunky guy on Survivor or some shit?
No, I'm gonna be like Seinfeld.
Get the fuck out of here, man!
You ain't gonna be like Seinfeld.
Seinfeld's my motherfucking man!
Now Kramer,
Kramer gets a pass from me 'cause Kramer's my nigger.
Well, very forgiving of you.
Look, as a friend, man, let me tell you something.
- You're not funny. - I think I'm funny.
I got new jokes, man, and they're good.
Let me hear one of your new jokes.
Okay, I got one like,
I'm really good at Guitar Hero, you know, on Playstation,
and I was so good at it, I thought, like, "Maybe I should get a guitar."
Then I thought like, "I'm really good at Grand Theft Auto,
"maybe I should start beating up hookers."
Okay, that got me. That was humorous.
I thought you'd like that.
But, yo, I ain't got no dough, man.
For real, if I had some dough, I would go.
I'll pay your cover charge.
That's the night I take my wife out also,
so you gotta pay for my bitch, too.
Okay, I'll do it. Okay. If you come and laugh. Laugh loud.
- Like that? - That's good. Perfect.
I'll see you Saturday then.
Okay, good. Thank you.
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